Every year, women wish each other “Happy Women’s Day,” in an act of solidarity with their gender. The world comes rushing to hop on the parade, making us feel “special,” “wanted,” “valid,” and other things we have still not managed to give ourselves. ‘She is on the rise,’ ‘she is more than your rules,’ ‘she has arrived,’ ‘she is enough,’ ‘she is strong,’, ‘she can be who she chooses to be,’ ‘she is worthy of a break,’ and all kinds of lines that desire to touch the marrow of our bones. They hope, through these words, that we’ll bask in this borrowed validation, even if for a whole day. And eventually, find in ourselves the light to move to a better future.

I’ve not been moved by any of them, at least not the way I’d like myself to be. The  stardust around our gender sure is sparkly and alluring, but capable of putting us into a grand stupor with the repeated messaging that feels good to hear, but doesn’t penetrate our core. How will it even? Can mere words make a difference in our lives? Can a well-meaning wish redesign our entire being? Can a thoughtful ad be more than a sappy moment that lasts a few minutes, before our old patterns take hold of us again? Where is it all even going, if not taking us, me, you, and the woman who daydreams of a better future, to a better place for real? 

I will not be stupid enough to believe that our lives can truly change by these “well-meaning” acts of society. They might coddle us for a bit, sure, and that’s okay. But life is not lived by holding on to such ideas in one’s head, while our factual life remains as it is. What good is the wish and motivation, when we deny ourselves our very right of equal existence in the world? What good are these empty words, when we, ourselves, bow our heads into submission in front of our elders, and term it as “respect,” even if their words and actions are nothing but corrosive to our soul? What good are these fantastic flights of a better future, when we cannot even face our depressing reality enough to feel it for once? What good is a #Women’sDayOut, if all we can think of is how we’re better than them, to escape our never-ending cycle of pain? Is there even a real way to bring that change from the very core of us, which needs no external validation? Or will we forever be stuck in this static cycle, and make do with the crumbs that society hands us?

If I had answers, I would not be writing this for sure. But, I am not going to hold on to such trash and live a lie. And perhaps, if I let go of all these illusions, the answer will present itself on its own. But, leaving these illusions is too painful, ugly, depressing, and not for everyone. Don’t do it, if you can’t handle it. I won’t even wish it on a woman who is happy in her life. It’s another thing that I’ve not met many such women. And that’s because it is rare to find a woman who’s actually happy. I’ve met myself, and I can say for sure I’m not happy. Why should I be ashamed of it, when I know happiness is the hardest thing to even achieve? 

It takes real work, and unclutching yourself from these delusions firstly. Your whole “safety” can feel at risk. Your entire “support system” can come crashing down like a house of cards. Life can seem worthless, and wasted, if one really decides to see what they’ve done all these years to maintain that illusion. It can feel like the very piece of land one has been standing on all these years, is actually nothing but hollow, empty air. And when one is stripped of all these lies, and survives, she might catch a real glimpse of her soul staring at her, an image that needs no words, no validation, or external proof.

Happy Women’s Day!

Love,
Wander Woman